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Friday, 28 June 2013

Failed


So, we're awake at 6am grab a cup of tea and prepare for the day.
We wait as long as possible to wake our daughter then head straight to the car. Feeling nervous and trying to sort ourselves out, we arrived at the hospital for our 8 am appointment. Our starving little lady is climbing the walls, running the corridors, waiting for her turn. It’s now 11.30 am, it’s been 16 hours since she had food and...nap time has come and gone! Jessie is like a wild animal and I'm expected to keep her calm going into surgery? She’s about to turn into a cannibal. 8am surgery? my bum! Even am starting to get annoyed!

The doctor had told us many times that the closed reduction may not work for Jessie. So we were prepared for the worst news but our fingers were still crossed as it's the lesser of two evils.
We take jessie down to surgery dancing and playing, trying to make this a normal situation. I am appointed the bad parent...you all know the one - if it’s sore or going to upset her it’s my job and Daddy gives the hugs all better. Thanks very much Steve!

So in we go, I hold her tight, my little woman is a wriggly like monster. Can’t jag her, she’s all over the place. Try the mask - I'm trying to hold her and not break her neck at the same time. Finally after what seems hours, really only a few seconds, she’s gone.
Be prepared, even when you work in hospitals, nothing can prepare you for your own floppy baby. Its heart breaking and painful to see.

So the waiting is ok, to be honest we were starving. We left theatre and went straight for the cafe. After 15 minutes, we headed back to wait, 5 mins later our screaming baby was headed up the corridor cuddled into a staff member. My husband  - 'give me her' as he pretty much throws me and the staff, out the way.  To be fair, Steve is just a little protective, like an armoured tank! lol

So we can tell it didn’t work as her legs aren’t bright pink!
Strangely I am really happy, I have an extra few weeks with my baby’s legs - woop woop!
My husband is not so happy; this just means our daughter has to be cut open, why are you happy?

Fight 1. Because of DDH!

Well, were back to the waiting game but am still a little happy - I can bathe and take my baby walks.

Hugs n kisses xx


Monday, 24 June 2013

12 Hours

Well tomorrow is the closed reduction!

We’ve been keeping our minds busy the last few days.
Visited the Vegas circus and the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse tribute and spent the rest of our time visiting family but now its just me, in my dining room, googling everything I need to know and don’t know, on hip dysplasia. Pen to-do lists, to-get lists and all with a little note at the bottom “Don’t fall to pieces".

Having a little writers block tonight, torn between trying to be strong and writing a load of dribble about nothing! No one tells you that being a mother will bring you such joy, while crumpling your womb with every step they take.

Wishing I could just pack up and run away with my baby and it would all go away but knowing I cant. I have to go to the hospital tomorrow and I have to hand my baby over to doctors because, I am a mother and I will always do what’s right for her.

Anyways, its took me over an hour just to write this small amount so...
I am going to try to relax and run through my to do lists...again!

Keep your padre pio candle burning for us.

Hugs n hope xx

Thursday, 20 June 2013

Spare Time

Just realised I haven’t been typing for a while.
To be honest with everything going on, I just couldn’t be bothered :)

It was great to get away for a week enjoying the fun in the sun BUT the second my bum hit the seat to go home, life and planning started again! Spica chairs, sleep suits, cots, and highchairs plan, plan, plan because the day is coming and I have just buried my head in the sand for a whole week!

Bean bag ordered, tot seat ordered wood bought, holiday abroad cancelled, puppy purchased! Yeah that’s right! In the mist of our marathon we thought, hey lets get a dog, it will be good for Jessie and a week later...we still feel it was one of the best decisions we have made. Gizzy and Jessie are now the gruesome twosome of our house, where one goes the other follows and after 3 days we were pretty much toilet trained, why is it not that easy with a child?



Steve the builder. Can he build it? Yes he can :) after debating the pros and cons of building our own spica chair the day had arrived, sunny
weather outside and tools at the ready GO. My wonderful hubby built the thing in 12hrs even tho it took me 3 days to paint the thing and I still haven’t finished!


The effect on me!
Well.... as a family were coping well, surviving and being strong together. As a wife and mother things are a little more complicated. I have a stress cleaning habit when life gets tough, I take it out on a bottle of bleach. The spica chair building and work and the stress brought me to tears as the mess was too much. How dare I leave a tub of paint sitting on the worktop? I know this is pathetic but my way to handle stress is to clean or go a jog and as a don’t really want to leave the house, the jog isn’t going to happen.
Family...
I understand that our family want to spend time with Jessie before surgery but as a parent who doesn’t like my daughter leaving my side. I have let go a little but I feel certain members are pushing my boundaries as a parent, saying one thing, doing another - gets me so mad!

Everything’s personal when it comes to my baby I own that.
We can take her for a night? ehhhh no you can’t. Wit do you think we can’t cope!!
I will get her this - ehhh no, do you think if she needs something we won’t get it!!!
I know I'm not the only parent who goes through this. I'm not CRAZY...I think!

Anyway, life has been hard the last few weeks, finishing everything off makes it feel so final, it’s not just a thought we now have too take action.

Hugs, you're not alone if you’re reading this, 
4 days to surgery 

Thursday, 30 May 2013

Normal

Today has been like any other day!
Running mad after our troublesome little woman who has declared a war of will power, like any toddler she’s looking to see how naughty she can be without us telling her off
The new trick, the word NO has such a major affect on our daughter it causes her to cover her eyes and start slapping herself in the head! The first time I was so shocked I jumped to cuddle position and that’s set the new route of make mummy guilty but my foot is down! She proceeded to pull this move today and when I ignored her she stopped peeked out her one eye and threw herself on the floor legs kicking and screaming mummy mummy mummy, I just continued to mop the floor thinking...
"I WON THIS ONE"

Thoughts of surgery and spica cast are safely put to the back of our minds, more thought of packing suitcases for our wee trip away and finding the spare washing liquid as going to Tesco isn’t going to happen today. Sunshine weather and back garden is how it’s going to be...NO JESSIE DONT EAT THE ROCKS YUK YUK.

Bedtime has come and I am so thankful as I sit with a cuppa but now the thoughts start flooding into my mind, spica, chair, hospital why does news like "your child needs surgery never leave your brain for too long"
As I Google portable DVD players for girls and see some cute ones for reasonably cheap on eBay. We had planned to buy one for her Christmas but I need to get one now. Its not birthday or Christmas sure she will need it in hospital for her DVDs but does this class as spoiling. What the hell will I get her for Christmas now, the thoughts just keep coming I'm now thinking Christmas in May HELP ME!


Ok! mummy’s been bad. Since hearing the news I haven’t really looked after myself or my husband.

Other than getting dressed for work I haven’t got out my pj's other than my silent cries in the bath I haven’t washed straightened my hair or bothered to put make up on. I haven’t fulfilled my wifely duties or really paid attention to Steve other than to talk about Jessie situation. I have just been living in my thoughts and I know I need to STOP! So I sit here now smelling better and looking human again. I do wonder if any other mummy’s reacted in this way.

Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Holiday and Spica Chair


A should have named this most amazing family anyone could hope, wish or pray for.



We're not a rich family, closer to lower than anything else. We worry about money every month and now having to consider hospital trips, bean bags, spica chairs, clothes and all the other little thing you wouldn’t expect comes flooding into your mind "3 NAPPIES AT ONCE THEY'RE £20 A BOX" was my initial reaction to a YouTube video from Steps Charity.


(My loving parents) had booked a Parkdean holiday for us a while back and we're due to go this week. It has worked in great a week away spending fun times at the pool, mini golf and dance the night away with our little monster before she is casted up for 6 months and the tough times begin.
My family have also finically helped us to buy all the things wee need, a bean bag clothes new high chair and my husband is in plan to build our own spica chair.

The hassle I had finding a plan. *A very kind person sent me the plans * and I am over the moon to have a place for my little rabbit to sit and play that’s pretty cute and cool. I will post a picture once it’s complete.

link to*
tattered angel

Dealing... NOT


As we drive home in shock, the only words spoken were an agreement to not tell anyone till we get our heads sorted. Tears stream from my eyes uncontrollably as I gently look back at our little lady who is kicking lumps out stevies chair and finding it hilarious.

As we settle home not enjoying the glorious weather, I sit thinking why us why our baby how will we cope how will our precious little girl cope. I look through the patio doors and see my strong army veteran husband in tears at the table. This is SERIOUS.

As comfort I tell him I had ordered cupcakes 3 days before as we had argued about money with a card saying.
Let’s not take life to serious
have a cupcake and a cuppa
we will get through it together.
Not knowing what today would hold for us. How I wished they were delivered.



I think we went through a grieving stage, at first I hated everyone with a child selfishly thinking why mine and not their kid. Then anger, can I sue the doctors for not finding this before my child was 15 months. You know I don’t think they got it right my baby is fine (denial). After a couple of deep discussions and crying we finally accepted what’s happening. Still not happy about the situation but needs must as parents, stick your chin up and fall to peaces after the baby is in bed.

Its time to deal with reality and make a plan!

shock!


Our little rabbit started walking around a month ago. The proud mummy I am took videos, pictures and cried like an Italian fountain. A small problem tho she walked on her left toes bit odd we thought. She had been checked many times so we thought maybe it’s just something silly best get it checked out.


She was bent, felt and measured all over the doctor told us
"It’s nothing serious as no clicking. Her left leg is just a little shorter than the other not to worry. She would have a word with the surgeries paediatrician when he was back from holiday".

We left pleased that she was fine called all the family to let them know all was good. A few days later our paediatrician phoned to say he didn’t think there was a problem but to be safe he was sending her hospital for a second opinion.

4 weeks passed till appointment day. We got all dressed and ready for our wee trip to hospital. The letter said be prepared to be there for 3-4 hour, as we weren’t worried. we thought everything was fine I told my husband people are only there for that amount of time if their getting x-rays and stuff well be in and out.

As we arrived into the ward the receptionist handed us an x-ray card and sent us on our way. I thought this must be a routine thing in this hospital. As wee played keek a boo and danced our way down the corridors to x-ray.

We arrived and mummy gets the good job holding her down in the dark room. Look Jessie twinkle twinkle little star owwww it sounds like our hoover wooo hoover bruuummmmm.

Back in the ward. We wait patient well me and Steve do, our monster is running mad with a child size dyson bruummmmm bruummm and a wooden hammer we know is going to hit us very soon.
As we walk to the room the sudden thought hits me "a hope this is going to be ok"
As I sit I feel my general WHAT IS IT smile on my face.

Your child has dysplasia of the hip. ehhhh ok. BANG!
She will need surgery ehhhhhh ok. BANG!
She "possibly" will need a second surgery ehhhhhhhhh ok. BANG!

Me and Steve have completely shut down. I hear no more words I just stare at my baby destroying a box of toys next to the medical bed. Thinking REALLY :s